the wonderful cross.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Well, just having some thoughts as I was just watching some movies and spending some alone time reading friends' blogs all over the place.

Reading about how some people' days are, their feelings, things that they are going through and their concerns over their loved ones. Some declared their love for their other half of their wonderful relationship.

Well, I am jealous. Ha. I am jealous that they have someone 'real' close to them, someone that they dearly care, love and place them in somewhere special in their hearts (secondary to God). Someone that they can go through each day together whether through online or sms being in a high tech society.

In just a simple sentence, I want a girlfriend! (Ha! Finally said it out!!) But, I am still waiting for the one to appear and can get super impatient at times. Haha!! How many of you guys out there believe that the other half is somewhere out there and will wait for her to appear?? Haha! I do. I believe God has provided me with someone but the time is not right now. I will have to wait till He says so. Haha!

Maybe it is the time where I can love God more, to be more mature in certain areas of my life, to experience more things so as to become a better man and a partner. Till I am ready, I will have to hold anixous feelings and desires tightly.

Finally, I have said this out and feel better already!! Haha!!

A.O.M: Hopefully the H1N1 will reduce by September so that I will be able to go Taiwan and enjoy myself. Stupid virus. *sigh* The inevitable. Seriously, the end is near. Haha!!

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

10:38 PM

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Can I just be root 3?

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

11:52 PM

There is always a time for everything. Isn't it amazing when the things we least unexpected to happen in His Time?? Well, it can be good and bad and there is always something to learn from it.

Everyday in my life is a like a school, I am learning something every minute, every second. I dare say I have not been that person God wants me to be, but I am always trying to focus my mind onto him. At the end of the day, I would just lie on my bed thinking of Him, His plans and just talk to him, pouring my heart out, my troubles, happiness, sadness and my hopes.

I still ponder about his plans for me, the place He is guiding me. The road ahead still looks foggy, blurry and I just can't place my foot forward and walk. I am scared, terrified and of so little faith. I know it is sad to hear such a thing from me but it's true now.

I have seen myself transformed throughout the years, just like a graph with highs and lows. How I wish I was on the high part again, on the top of the mountain feeling that hype, that magnificant wonders like everything is possible.

Can I just say that I am tired of everything and just let me rest on your lap and sleep like a child? Let me have that peace and assurance I am searching, take away my past and let me live in the present.

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

11:24 PM

Monday, May 18, 2009

May 17 - I have made the biggest decision in my life at this crossroad to go to SMU, a place where I was rejected flat last year but welcomed this year. It's God planning I guess. So, SMU here I come!

I was just thinking about some stuff while I was working. I was thinking about people-people relationship in different surroundings. How do people get along? It may seems dumb to ask such an obvious question! But, somehow I want to find out more in details, maybe scientifically? Haha. Chemistry?? Brainwaves??

Most probably the lack of chemistry between people make them uncooperative/unlike/horrible/"people that you want to avoid"??

Haha. Dull question..

Hopefully, I will find you soon!!

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

11:32 PM

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Well, I have been on hiatus or should I say that I was lazy and tired to blog. Haha!!

Anyway, since I am still up in the midst of my duty awaiting for some stuff, let me update you guys a bit stuff about this year!!

It is officially now 352 days (w/o the hours and minutes) till the day I ORD!! I celebrated with my buddies from BMT over dinner, catching up with each other's lives in both army and air force, headed to Kovan for L4D!! Just imagine all of us were still stuck in Tekong during this part of the year, dreaming of booking out immediately, singing army songs and throwing milo packets into the fan!! Haha!! Good times!! Maybe it seems bad to be at Tekong for almost 3 months but the time spent with my buddies are once in a life time and priceless.

Life in NS has it ups and downs and I have gotten used to such random swings of events recently. On the bright side, I have been practising multi-tasking.. I meant SERIOUS multi-tasking all over the place!! Haha!! Trained my co-ordination, patience and PATIENCE!! Haha!! I guess tolerance as well!! On the downside, things can be quite bad at times that you wished that it is not happening in your shift and it DOES!! *sigh* Some AURA I am blooming in myself that I wished I would work normal to get rid of my unwanted "luck"!! Haha!!

On my future now, I can say that things are starting to look promising for my tertiary education. The VERY university that turned me striaght down last year is offering me a space!! I guess this is really something from up ther above as I did not even want to apply to that place and I did it on the behalf of my mom's advice and a free $15 application fee. Haha!! However, I am still waiting for my other choices and one of them is my NIE application. But... NIE only offers me CHINESE!! Haha!! I am still thinking if NIE offers me a place teaching chinese, I will turn it down. Even if general subjects like Math (My FAV!!), I still might turn it down to go to somewhere else. *sigh* There has been some signs that tell me to choose _______ than NIE!! Haha!! I did prayed for signs from above!! Haha!! We shall see!! Haha!! (:

My life is just as still as the water, calm and smooth. Just wish that there is a ripple to make it interesting, wooble my journey to inject some life into it and maybe I might find the answers to the questions in my mind currently!

Well, that's all for now!! See ya!!

Good night!! (I mean Good Morning, 0235H!!), God bless!! (:

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

2:19 AM

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I have dreamt of that person for these two weeks. Why?

The start of a new year. I will let you lead my way, Lord.

Surprise me.

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

11:39 PM

Saturday, December 20, 2008

I do not know what has gotten into me. As the days passed, I am becoming more insecure and uneasy in my work. There was a point in time yesterday that I really hoped that I can call it quits. I just cannot withstand the demands of the work and deemed to give up already. I was not angry with my instructors but with myself instead. I am just too sensitive with each comment given and I am angry with myself for my failure to comply. *sigh*

I just do not know why I cannot do this vocation anymore. If there is a 'get out of jail' card, I would take it and get out of there permanently. I guess this is the first time that I am sounding super demoralize and dreadful.

Can someone make me emotionless? Until the point where I am able to take all the craps into my head without contemplating with my thoughts? Anyway, I do not see a need for my emotions now, just take them away so I won't feel sad, disappointed, angry, mad, heartbroken and so for.

I am not looking forward to work anymore, I dread going work, I hate work. If there is anything that can change my mindset, prove me. Prove me wrong! I welcome such bold efforts to challenge my negativity.

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

7:45 AM

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

One word to describe today: BAD!

I thought I had everything under my control, but it turned out quite bad in the noon.

*sigh* Am I lacking the confident that I should have? Things could have gotten ugly if I have argued back.

Anyway, I am going to put today's disappointment behind and move on. (:

I guess it's amazing when I still have somebody reading my blog. It is like someone watching over you through the things he writes. Haha! Sound like quite cool in some sense. Anyway, I want to thank you [cares] for all the encouragements that he/she tagged on my board. Thanks for letting me know that there is someone who cares for me. If it is really possible, I would like to make friend with you. (:

Thankfully I only need to go back to work at 1pm tomorrow which gives me enough time to sleep, chill and think. Haha! And to clear, arrange my stuff in my com which is like all over the place. Haha!

By the way, I know that God will provide! (: Thanks cares!! Just that I find myself amazing that I could write such things (:

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

8:10 PM

Monday, December 15, 2008

I was clearing my files in my com and I found this poem I wrote to someone that was special to me once.

I didn't know that I can write these things at all.

These is some part of it:

Magnificent beauty
Just like the lilies you loved
You being elegant and perfect
In the eyes of our dear heavenly father

The unselfish love you give others
Can be seen from your daily doings
Known as a person of great compassion
A woman who is willing to take the stand

You have a smile that lights my world
That shines through my dark and deepest fear
The simplicity of a child
That brings joy to my heart

Things that never cease to amaze myself daily...

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

11:03 PM

What was I doing today? I got carried away and I got too confident.

Modesty? Where was it? Humality? Where was it? *sigh*

YYY

Oh my words could not tell. Not even in part. Of the debt of love that is owed. By this thankful heart

10:22 PM